Expectations of the Marthan Runner Married to the Walker

brain - knows what you want to say

Expectations.  Spoken.  Unspoken. We all have expectations.  The problem is that we do not always express these expectations to our spouse appropriately.

And even more importantly, we do not always have realistic expectations.

Why?  I believe it is because we think that we think more alike than reality.  We are oblivious, or overlook the fact that our spouse has a different personality type, learning style, or strengths.  So we impose our own personality, learning style and strength upon our unsuspecting spouse.

The results: mismatched EXPECTATIONS.

The result of mismatched expectations  = conflict.

Ask yourself is my expectation of my spouse fair?  Is it based on my needs and strengths/skills or his?

If you are a marathon runner and your husband is a walker, you would not expect that he would keep up with you when you run.  So why is it that the self-controlled/disciplined spouse expects her addictive personality husband to track with her in the same way she operates?  Overcoming addiction is a process. One step at a time.  If you are the self controlled spouse frustrated with your partner disappointing you one choice after another, I suggest you work hard to find each victory – no matter how small, and be sure to celebrate the victory.  Help your spouse to reinforce this small victory once again; and once again; until he/she is ready to take the next step on the road to recovery.

Help her to walk a little faster before she must begin to jog, and then a little faster until she picked up the jogging pace.  The a pace will take a great deal of time, effort, discipline and continued patience on your part to help her/him to get to an higher level than first begun.  However, not everyone has a desire or the determination to become a marathon runner.  And not every spouse has the same goal to accomplish the same level of accomplishment as his/her spouse in EVERY area.

You must give allowance to your spouse for his personality, learning style, and God-given strengths.  If you do not, you certainly will be setting him up for failure and yourself up for severe disappointment and frustration.

 

brain - knows what you want to say

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